


The Gnome Who Came To Dinner

by Bittersweet



Series: October Prompts [21]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Chicago Blackhawks, Cooking, Domestic Fluff, Gnomes, M/M, Mayhem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 05:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12450594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bittersweet/pseuds/Bittersweet
Summary: Patrick's and Jonny's peaceful meal at home is interrupted by an unexpected garden pest.





	The Gnome Who Came To Dinner

Patrick reached down to pull some carrots out of the raised bed and jumped as something moved next to his hand. He brushed the carrot tops away and swore as he realized the movement had been an ugly little garden gnome with a pointy red hat tipping over. He picked the gnome up and frowned. “Dude you look like you murdered someone,” he informed the gnome before setting it back down in the garden. Whoever had painted the gnome had been sloppy, red from its hat dribbling down its wrinkled face.

Patrick pulled a few more carrots before heading back downstairs to the kitchen.

“Thanks Pat,” Jonny said glancing over from the pot of water he had started boiling on the stove as Patrick dumped the carrots into the sink to rinse them.

“I think I deserve something for all my hard work,” Patrick said cheekily, perching on the edge of the counter.

“Oh do you,” Jonny said. He turned to face Patrick.

“Yep,” Patrick said.

“Huh.” Jonny crowded in close to Patrick then kissed his forehead lightly and stepped back with a smirk. “Now how about you finish the job and dice those carrots?”

“That’s just mean!” Patrick objected sliding off of the counter. He frowned as he noticed something on the floor by the kitchen table. “Uh Jonny, creepy gnome in the garden is one thing but why is there one in the kitchen?”

“What?” Jonny looked at him in confusion and Patrick gestured to the red hatted gnome. Jonny frowned. “I didn’t buy that thing.”

“But then how did it get here?” Patrick walked over and picked it up. There was dirt on its feet. “Do you think one of the guys—ouch!” Patrick dropped the gnome as it sank large yellow teeth into the side of his hand. “It bit me!”

The gnome cackled as it darted back underneath the table.

“What the fuck?” Patrick jumped out of the way as the foot tall gnome lifted a chair and hurled it at Patrick.

“Get down!” Jonny shouted as another chair flew through the air. Patrick ducked under it and then he and Jonny were running for cover.

“Stupid open concept apartment,” Patrick complained as they headed for the nearest door which happened to be the bathroom. “What the hell was that?” he asked as they locked the door and something crashed against it. “How can that little thing lift that stuff?”

“I’d like to know how it got here in the first place,” Jonny said looking around the bathroom as something else struck the door.

“What are you looking for?”

“Something to use against that thing, that door isn’t going to hold for ever!”

Patrick looked around the bathroom but didn’t see anything that looked like it would be useful against a homicidal garden gnome. “What about the shower curtain?” he suggested. “We could wrap it up in it!”

“Okay,” Jonny said nodding, reaching up to take the curtain down. “And then what?”

“Um…I don’t know! Maybe we could drown it?”

“Pat, that’s brilliant!” Jonny plugged the drain and turned on both taps to let the tub fill.

“Yeah,” Patrick preened.

Jonny rolled his eyes and smiled. “All right,” he said gathering the shower curtain and moving towards the door. “You open the door and I’ll grab the gnome.”

Patrick reached towards the handle waiting for Jonny’s signal.

“One—”

They looked at each other as the attack on the door abruptly stopped.

“Oh shit,” Patrick swore. “Do you think it could hear us?”

“I don’t know.” They waited but there was no further sound from outside the bathroom. “Open the door.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Patrick asked. “What if it’s a trap?”

“We can’t just stay locked in here.”

“Good point.” Patrick took a deep breath and eased the door open.

The apartment was a mess but he couldn’t see the gnome. He and Jonny moved hesitantly out of the bathroom, Jonny still holding the shower curtain at the ready.

“Let’s circle and see if we can find it,” Jonny said in a low voice. “You go left, I’ll go right.”

Patrick nodded, picking up a throw from the couch as he moved across the living room, Jonny’s steps leading him back towards the kitchen. Patrick’s heart was pounding and he licked his lips nervously as he watched for any sign of the gnome. He looked towards Jonny; maybe the gnome had given up and gone away. “Jonny!” he shouted seeing a flash of movement from on top of the refrigerator just as Jonny passed it.

Jonny twisted around and in a quick, fluid motion swept the shower curtain through the air, twisting the curtain around the thrashing gnome as Patrick ran towards him. “The stove!” Jonny shouted as he struggled to hold on to the gnome.

Patrick took the hint and lifted the lid off of the pot; slamming it back down the second Jonny had dropped the plastic wrapped bundle into the pot. It took them both to hold the lid down as the pot shook violently.

“Do you think it’s dead?” Patrick asked when it stopped shaking a few minutes later, the kitchen stinking of melted plastic.

“I’m not taking any chances,” Jonny said grimly. “Help me move this to the table.”

Jonny held the lid down while Patrick lifted the pot off of the stove and they walked carefully to the table, setting the pot in the centre. “Wrap the tablecloth around it,” Jonny said moving his hands out of the way only as needed as Patrick secured the tablecloth around the pot, grabbing seran wrap from the pantry and covering the pot in it.

“Good,” Jonny said. “Now let’s get this into the freezer.” 

They watched the freezer anxiously once they had the pot inside, waiting for any sign of movement, and both breathed a sigh of relief when everything stayed still.

“Well that’s a different way to spend an evening,” Patrick said with a shaky laugh. “I vote we never do that again.”

“Seconded,” Jonny agreed. “How’s your hand?” He took Patrick’s hand and examined it. “Do you think you should get a tetanus shot?”

“Probably wouldn’t hurt,” Patrick agreed. “Though I don’t know what I’ll tell the doctor. Hey, so know that I’ve been wounded helping you defeat an evil gnome do I get that reward?”

Jonny laughed. “I’d say you definitely deserve something.” He leaned in to kiss Patrick. “The shower curtain was a—oh shit the bathtub!” He cut himself off and ran to shut off the water before it flooded the bathroom.

Patrick sighed and leaned against the counter.


End file.
